5...4...3...2...1! Happy Transfer Window!

New Years in New York City!

Not that drinking in the New Years isn’t fun, but as I  stumble into 2013, my thoughts are less on the coming of a New Year than on the prospects of players flying around the world to new teams. As I slowly, painstakingly recover from New York New Years festivities, teams around the world altered their pieces around their respective boards, searching for the correct combination. From the formation of fresh MLS rosters to the bolstering of European clubs and the reengineering of English ranks, the transfer window has been a pure delight.

Demba Ba blowin' kisses to his new adoring fans

England, the source of all that is exciting, has just gotten more interesting with changes to some of the premier rosters in the EPL. Simply because he has one of the bossest (maybe a word) names in the game, Demba Ba, we will start with 27-year-old. Although he has dazzled us proudly adorning the Newcastle Jersey, the Frenchmen now makes his move down south to join the capital outfit, Chelsea FC. Typing these words brings my fingers and mind pain. I do not necessarily cringe at Demba Ba’s flight from the Toon army, for that man was destined for greatness, but of all the teams to go to…why on earth would you willingly go to Chelsea? Oh right I forgot, Chelsea sit in 4^th place with the most expensive team second only to Manchester City. On top of that they have more useless players than Brad and Angelina have adopted children, including a grouping of the best young talent oil-money can buy. Also, I’m very curious whether or not Demba was oblivious to the half dozen managerial changes under the control of a Russian owner whose crazy, mercurial nature rivals that of King Charles IX. Regardless, I should congratulate Demba Ba on joining the Blues and on the massive dip in form and playing time he is bound to experience. The previous sentence, which I wrote before he had played his first game, Demba gladly made me swallow my own words by scoring two goals that looked to have helped found Chelsea's missing form. Perhaps I have miss judged the arrival of the demigod as he has elevated the game of those around him simply by doing what Torres has failed to do thus far, score. I'm sure Victor Moses, Eden Hazard, and the rest of the nonEnglish children that inhabit the Chelsea squad will be praising the heavens for the arrival of someone who can finally finish.

Chamahk looking like his usual dumb self

For the second inquiry in this January transfer window I must wonder what exactly my former favorite coach in England, Sam Allardyce is thinking. The former Bolton Wanderers manager, who dazzled England in the early 2000s with flashy, non-English football, has found himself most recently at West Ham United. When Sammy signed Liverpool failure Andy Carrol, I was confused. When Sammy then signed Joe Cole, I was perturbed; I guess the Liverpool bad-boy is allowed to go home. Now, I cannot find a shred of reason why on earth Sammy would want to sign Marouane Chamakh; and yes that is the bird-like Moroccan striker that sits atop the list of Arsene Wenger’s failed experiments. Well, congratulations to West Ham United and Sam Allardyce for signing the three most annoying, atrocious, and oddest players ever to grace the Premier League…good luck not getting relegated again. And along the lines of the fabled and beloved Hammers song, Forever Blowing Bubbles, Sammy seems to be Forever Blowing Bullocks for he will look the ass in the coming weeks.

In case you dont get it, Rossi is a traitor

The other notable trades from around Europe include Daniel Sturridge's move from the Blues to the Reds, and Liverpool will be the much needed benefactors of this buy. The American traitor, Giuseppe Rossi made is move away from Villareal to Italian side Fiorentina, a move I care very little about seeing as how Rossi is an absolute tosser. Oh and something which my astute Swiss colleague happily texted me the other day, Lewis Holtby is destined to join Tottenham Hotspur which will in no doubt be worth every cent.   

Moving across the pond to the MLS, New York Red Bulls signed the legendary free-kick specialist, Juninho. Juninho’s nickname, or more of a saying about him, the man that made freekicks as easy as penalties, speaks as a testament to how filthy this Brazilian legend really is. David Beckham, Ronaldinho, Nakamura each in their own rights are some of the best dead ball specialists of all time, but it is Juninho that outshines all of them. For those that do not know who he is or want to see whether I’m speaking the truth, here is a video of this man’s work:

Among the many shifts characterized of MLS, another big name entering the league is former Tottenham goalkeeper, Carlo Cudicini, who is the new LA Galaxy backstop. Another happy tidbit for Galaxy fans must be the denial of Frank Lampard's contract extension with Chelsea, as he seems to be the likely candidate to replace his English compatriot, David Beckham. As a final note on MLS  trades and trade rumors, is there a reason that the American clubs have gone Honduran-crazy? I say this because the league will soon have Hondurans, not Colombians as the main player group outside of our homegrown. Not that this is a bad thing, the more South Americans to teach our blocky, stagnant, lead-footed Americans how loosen up the better.